Is love unwholesome or wholesome?

Question: What about love, is that unwholesome or wholesome?

Answer: We have to consider carefully what reality is represented by that word. Love can represent the reality which is kindness towards other people. It arises when we consider their welfare. However, love can also represent an unwholesome reality. When we are attached to a person we actually think of our own pleasure, then there is an unwholesome reality. When we have to be separated from such persons the attachment conditions aversion and displeasure. When there is unselfish loving kindness you don’t think of your own pleasure.

Question: Should there be no attachment between husbands and wives, parents and children? When I consider the many broken families around me I am inclined to think that attachment is good. Why do you think there should not be love?

Answer: It is not a matter of should or should not. You are as you are. However, there can be a more precise understanding of what is unselfish love, or true considerateness for others and what is attachment, selfish love. We should understand the difference between unselfish love and selfish love. Unselfish love is characterised by considering the welfare of others. Attachment to other people is for the sake of one’s own pleasant feeling. When we like to be with people who are dear to us, and like a pleasant home, there is attachment; we think of ourselves.